Gratitude at the Gathering

Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life. 

George MacDonald 

The Gathering of Gratitude and Heart. By Jennifer Hillman

I am finding more reasons for the joy in everything and I am feeling in increasing ways. It is a different feeling of gratitude, a deep one, indeed. Recently things in my life I have embraced and gave me a slap in my face. I laughed. I was getting too wrapped up into the 3D or earthly pursuits or dramas. It affected my life in many aspects…and not fun ways. Lessons learned…again through a different perspective.

I got messages from a friend, Karen, passing through for a visit and the messages continued to come about the past patterns. Those patterns of mine as I have written about in past blogs that I got one under an deep understanding about now. It started on Thanksgiving with a meditation beginning with the cards of bat, crow and bear… shamanic death, magic/shape shifting, and inner hibernation to a vision ending with the scene of a hospital room and voices saying, “She needs open heart surgery now.” Hands on keyboard writing friends on FB to pray and hold positive thoughts for me and then the words across the page about “She has passed and to raise a glass of your favorite in her honor as she is all about celebrating her life, not the sorrow of its end.”

It was very lucid and real to me. It made me think about my heart as I woke with my heart pounding hard. I talked to a friend and realized that a part of me wasn’t in touch with my heart and was being reborn.

Come Saturday and an email comes for Quynn Elizabeth about a Shamanic Gathering of Gratitude at a local art gallery, Solar Culture. I signed up for it without blinking an eye. It was time to reconnect with Quynn again. It is about the same time of year that I start back with deepening my spiritual practice and I have been out of balance with the overload of obligations I had created for myself.

I got dressed to honor the ancestors and the star guidance. I went parked, entering with a hug form Katy who painted my face with a mystic butterfly pattern on my face. (fitting) I greeted Quynn and gave my gratitude for her witnessing and help through the years. I have known her for the last nine years. Her shamanic circles become a sanctuary for me many times when I was unsure of things. I got clarity in those circles and met some cool people as well. I only go to a few each year and it is like a grounding post for me. She is a powerful Shaman and I am grateful for her continuing support. Inspiring presence and witness, allow the true spirit to come through and allow a space of integration.

So listened to the drums and walked around the shamanic alter with the four elements and items to honor the Spirits, going into a trance dance state. We continued through the drumming, honoring the seven directions: east, south, west, north, above, below and center. During the west movement, I went to the shamanic fire to transmute all unforgiving that lived in my heart. As I walked back to my place in the circle, I feel the urge to pull out a pendulum from my purse and reached in, pulling out a turquoise heart, whole, healed and complete. I put on the heart necklace, know that I am in a new place now. Heart was healed. Soon we were nibbling on different varieties chocolate and giving testimony to Quynn and the Gatherings. I left the gathering feeling uplifted and knowing that I am right on track with my path and my journey. Smiling knowing this is great place and time to be. 

Visit with Your True Healing

It’s 2:55am and here I am with my good friend, the computer. Maybe I need to name the computer. I spend most of my time with it. Something to think about.  Fridays are generally my day of being Virgo… cleaning the house, laundry, etc, so Saturday I can get out of the house; Left brain activities today. I did some of the cleaning yesterday, after writing the blog and get a few business calls. Today, website updating. I wrote a list before going to sleep and after the radio program on Chiron, my friend. Seems like I have lots of friends in the skies.

Well, I do respect the energies of the sky and most of all, the cosmic energies at large. That feeling that you need to do this or that. It is a mass motivator these days with the shift of 2012 in the undercurrents. It is in that Silence. The Silence that moves like the wind and affect everything in its path…change is always happening. It is a mind thing to attempt to not to be the change.

And the change is what Chiron is all about. On last night’s show, AIR, I had astrologer Tom Jacobs discussing his insights and methodology about healing the original wound that is associated with Chiron. The rejection or abandonment of a child from its parent(s).

If you go deeper, being on this planet and the hardship most of go through, it is really that pain of the separation from Source, God and/or Spirit, whatever you call the Energy that is. It’s is being send out in the cold, cruel world to seemingly fend for yourself. The “You against the world” deal. We all have it in one form or another.

I got this realization while dealing with the “rejection” of my own mother. Well, I took it that way. It was what I sign up for… Her letting me know that she was my teacher, not my mother. And for the most part, she was just that…a great teacher of life. That balancing of self with the obligation of society. I look back at the facts and she is pretty amazing woman for the times. Raising five kids, getting her master in special education (a new field in the late 60’s) plus working while her husband was off in Korea, servicing his country. She had us kids trained for self-reliance, independence and basically what skills we really needed for the times coming. She is metaphysical in her own way…indirectly. One of her beliefs is mind over matter and she did that by beaten cancer twice and putting up with my dad’s health problems…all with a smile and giggle.

It took time and getting over me, being the witness to see her perspective in the situation and my reaction. To heal the situation through the understanding of self and the reflection of my parents. I wasn’t upset with my parents… I was upset with God for allowing me to get down here and basically set myself up to get the wounds exposed fully and then pour a little hydrogen peroxide on it for good measure.
Once I was able to get through that anger and see that God hadn’t left me in my rage, like humans had. The true love I felt for myself through the forgiveness process for being so deceptive with myself for so many years. Then I laughed at myself for being such a drama queen. I am done with those games with myself. I shifting attitude of trust and appreciation. It is amazing the blessings I receive through the process.
So where are you in this process about your parents or is it really God you have issues with? The process can be very simple and I do feel Chiron’s placement does get one a clue on where you need to look, so here is a list of signs and house to help you in your healing process. If you need to know where yours is located, you can go to astro.com and find it out by a basic chart or if you need help, let me know.

1^st house or Aries: Lack or Loss of Self-Worth
2^nd house or Taurus: Lack or Loss of Safety, Security or Love. Loss of Trust or Deficit of Values.

3^rd house or Gemini: Lack or Loss of Communication or Social skill… not being up with the times.

4^th house or Cancer: Lack or Loss of Love at the core. Not supported.

5^th house or Leo: Lack or Loss of Self-Expression and Creativity.

6^th house or Virgo: Lack or Loss of Connection, Wholeness. Something needs fixed.

7^th house or Libra: Lack or Loss of Completion. Something is missing.

8^th house or Scorpio: Lack or Loss of Spirit, manifesting in a fear of loss and/or death.

9^th house or Sagittarius: Lack or Loss of Inspiration.

10^th house or Capricorn: Lack or Loss of Recognition or Appreciation.

11^th house or Aquarius: Lack or Loss of Being Human. Feeling like an outside or alien.

12^th house of Pisces: Lack or Loss of Faith and Trust in the Divine.

Path with purpose and without resistance

Wow! It has been a little intense with the planetary energies this last month. Grand Cross in Cardinal (fixed) signs, with a dash of squaring planets and a touch of reality check on the mark with Mercury Retrograde as well. And all to wake you up in the morning and wonder what is going on today? Can be a bit of a downer or maybe one of the things where you just want to throw your hands up and say “what’s next?” Time of surrender is among the possibility and re-evaluating your plans and life. Humor is a necessity now.

Recently, Guy Finley was on AIR and he said something that I actually asked him to restate in a different way. It hit home…literally. The state was about resistance. He said something like...

The more we resistance, the more you “identifying” yourself with the situation, object, people, etc. And that to truly be aware, you need to touch that dark side of yourself to fully understand and be aware of the unconscious side of you. The unconscious, which does most of what you say and do, unless aware and conscious, controls you. Dealing with your demons, you can befriend them and they won’t bother you. If they pop up, you will be able through your awareness to deal with them fast and with grace.

Another interesting talk I have heard was for Keisha Crowther, also known as Little Grandmother. She states… “We are human and we are supposed to experience life to the fullest. So I will say I like my red wine, loud rock music and Harleys. Have fun and enjoy your life as you want to experience this one life we have. We are the strongest of spirits to be on this planet to be here by invitation.”  I paraphrased here.

I found these interesting things to ponder with some many people telling us to watch our diet and prepare for this or that to happen. They sound so serious about it too. 

Little Grandmother also stated that the Men from the Stars in disks are coming to teach us Truths… soon. The end of times is close upon us and all the Indigenous people prophecies have come to fruitions.  I have been rereading Stuart Wilde's "Gaia, Grace and the End of Days." hmmm. There is something going on now. 

Living through our hearts, emotions and feelings is the only way to live now. Being in the mind will only confuse you and throw you off course and into chaos.

The resistance and chaos may be the self sabotaging ways of the lack of clarity or fears (those little demons) to keep you from your path. Time to check in and see where and what is causes that resistance. If you get an emotion or a negative vibe a situation, pay attention and follow your guides… you will automatically be on the right course. Much of this energy is to get you on the right track with your purpose and life intentions.

 With focus clear and direct intentions, stated aloud, in written form and always from the heart will manifest. I am seeing this on a daily basis now. My inner voice is speaking very clear and directing me in a straight direction…forward. When I tell the Universe what I am need, I am generally get that or better in my life with minutes though sometimes it does take a couple of days. Not the months or years as before. It is only doubt and changing your mind that will change or cancel the request. Be careful of what you ask for. I still learning this part of it. Getting much better now. Wording is important and what you are FEELING at the moment of the request.

I had said something about a new computer, and within a day, my hard drive died. Great, I thought... I did think about a new computer, though not really in the budget, so I surrender the past attached to those files. A friend was able to get the hard drive back, though the software was lost. 

It took a few days for me to get back online with my five websites, except for the two that I update the most, though not truly apart of my path. Angels Intuition and BBSRadio.com’s AIR page. Those are the last two sites to get back online and I am getting help with them. It is letting me know to focus more on the writing and creative pursuits. My heart comes alive with passion with words and design, music and dance.  Spiritual living is innate to me and I really enjoy assisting others, though I am refocusing my energies to the passions of my soul… creativity in words, design and assisting others to find and create their voice of self expression and empowerment...my true path and purpose. And a wonderful voice it is to find…again. I am not having much resistance in finding the words again and loving these moments with my heart and souls’ messages. enjoy your loving moments along your way too.
 Blessings to you. 

Processing Your Integrity with Grace and Style 101

Processing Your Integrity with Grace and Style 101

Karma can be a bitch these days as the realization of truth about yourself and the lovely games we play with ourselves and others come to light so fast and easy.  The energy out is exactly what you will get back and the only one you can and often to claim as the one doing this is…YOU.

Damn… what? No more blame someone else for what is irritating you? No more letting someone else be the “wrong” one or the one out of integrity? If you are attracting this energy… like attract like.

Universal laws are coming in your head every moment and now there is more awareness of just that. I write this from the realizations of the wondering how did I (sweet, hard working, lovable ME) get into this situation? One word comes to mind with a blaze of TRUTH… Denial.

Denial is a strong word and with knowing its magic and transform your words by admitting the denial game you have played with yourself and only with yourself. So have you been playing the denial game in some form with yourself?

Remember, you are the writer of your life’s script. Yet to keep the excitement alive… all the players in your life or all the people you have around you… know the script better than you. They know their parts well and unless you are really aware and conscious of the part you play in your own creation… Denial of some of the facts will be slapping you in the face with a strong”ouch” and wait a minute… who changed the script? Uh huh… only you can change the script. So take that responsibility of your life with all the parts of it and REWRITE the script so you know it better or at least like it better.  You are now the co-creator of your life more than ever. Your thoughts hold the power to improve your life or send it down the toilet. The choice is yours.

I am blessing with some really funny, good hearted guides that have made sure I laugh at myself…often.  They let me know how, when and what my thoughts were at the time I created this situation or that one. A single sentence with any sense of strength or conviction in it brings it around faster than a dog when they hear the word “Treat!” It is like dogs have this sense of what we are thinking before we do and act on it, which is another aspect being accented these days.  I have noticed that I am attracting people with increasing empathy and telepathic abilities. That or I am thinking it so strong; they are getting my thoughts about them or the situation. It is very cool, though it does keep me aware of what I am thinking. I make sure the ending thought is “I love him, them, and her.”  It shows appreciation for the person or situation.

Now processing your integrity. I say processing simply from the standpoint that when you are in integrity or keeping your word to yourself and others, you attract right things with right actions.

The part that I have become evermore aware of in understanding the energies that I am attracting. I am becoming able to understand the reasons for the interaction with people much faster these days. And overall, I do appreciate that fact that I have been out of integrity with myself and friends. It is okay that I have let some friends go for this reason or that one. The consequences for these choices come apparent quite fast for me. I simply deal with it the best I can or am I being totally honest with myself about it?  That denial deal… looking a little deeper at why I made a choice… or more like where. From the heart or was it more from the mind/fear/denial/etc?    When I am standing up for myself and being true to myself, my thoughts… I get a positive sign that I am on the right track. If not, I get other signs and insights about it.

That is what June is for… the realigning of the core of my Being and find the solid foundation for your integrity. I understand the Life Review process… though I am getting tired of the processing and going even more deeper into the beliefs system I am holding on to. The processing is to understand all and I do mean the perspectives within the process of the “lesson.” 

So when you make a decision, do you have second thoughts on that decision or do you stand firmly behind that action? Second guessing for the most part, if you made the decision from the heart won’t happen. Second guessing or doubts creep in when you made the decision due to a fear or mind action perspective and not for the highest good of all. You wonder… well, did I do that right way or should I have done this instead? If from the heart’s perspective, you will take the action steps and let go of it, knowing it is all good and fine. Next?

So check in with your integrity or your inner voice and truly listen to the whisperings of your heart. This is the time to hear the silence that lives within and follow the dance with grace and style.

Patience with Intense Change… Keep Breathing and Grounded.

Wow… the energies have gone into overdrive in a few ways to clear ourselves out of our way and make room for the new and improved YOU: Your new creation.  So how are you handling it all now?

Have you noticed yourself being more energetic or more empathic or more lethargic or more focus or tired/fatigued… or all of the above?

The yo-yo energies are pulling up where we need to be… detached awareness, yet we are more and more the co-creator of what is going on. Yes, you have a say.  Don’t think for one moment to say. Okay, what do you want me to do now? My guidance laughs…and repeats the question back at me. So best to ask…what is the next step for this to occur or what is the best step to take for that? Then you will get more of a direction from within. You have all the answers (always have) within you at all times. It is a matter of trusting yourself more now that you really do have the answers…and there are right for you…and the highest good for all.

So writing out your heart’s desires is a great thing to do… not how it will happen. Just that you wish to have what experiences in your life at this time. It may be anything and allowing yourself to be guided in that direction so you can. You may have many different options for it to have it happen, so be totally open to the possibilities that may unfold before you. And that is one of the key that I am finding for me…it is all unfolding.

Some of the time may seems like slow motion. You can sense the shifting perspective if you take a few moments of sitting still and reflecting on the past day or week…even month.

These times it is important to be very aware of your thoughts with your emotions on that thought…. And in a moment of negativity, remember that this is all temporary. So this is a temporary situation/attitude/feeling/moment/issue… Change your thought to a more positive outcome. Visualize is important these days.

From what I am getting from others and my guidance is that May and June will be a bit bumpy and the rest will slow improve.

So for the time being…the best thing to do for yourself is stay grounded or ground yourself by exercising, drinking lots of water, walking, do something you have a passion for, by creative in some form of expression: painting, writing, photography, acting, dance, etc.

At times when you are feeling emotional, overwhelmed… understand that there may be an issue coming up for yourself that is now healing or needs some healing. If so, talk to the emotions or feeling and ask what it is about…even if it is a part of your body hurting, there is something up. Listen and see what pops in your mind when focusing on the next step. Most important is to feel your emotions without attaching and turning the feeling into a positive… for example: Anxiety can be excitement.

Focus on what make you smile and keep the smiling. It opens your heart and mind to happy possibilities. Now time is of change and creation... Let your mind be free to wander in the imagination of your soul.

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And Now What?

And Now What?...

Soft calm ripples on the pool on the first day of 2010 as I look out reflecting on the year and decade past. 2009 was truly one of self mastery. Finding all those loose ends and little things that you may have been in a bit of denial about or avoiding came to life in this eleven year. The tried and true is another way of thinking about 2009. We all may have found ourselves getting many reality checks through the last year on what our goals and desires were, we have done and not done in reference to these aspirations. I myself had many “reality” checks and checked in my pride on other occasions. Deep lessons of how and when I didn’t listen or best said…didn’t act as my intuition had said. That Coyote Medicine I wrote about last issue. Challenging times and all the things that we had to get through it and release it finally and embraced it as it part of us and the understanding of the healing process. The Full Moon/Blue Moon/Lunar Eclipse on December 31, 2009 still has its energies available to help finally and totally embrace and release the negative aspects of Self that has been sabotaging your journey and path. Granted, I did learn to laugh at myself and truly embrace the higher self instructions and suggestions. Everything that has happened for reasons and for lessons. For me, the end of this decade is the end of a dream. New dreams are what I am creating for myself. I had put out the seeds during the last decade while finishing up what I had dreamt at the tender age of 13. Yes, it can take that long to manifest. So when you are thinking about your passions and dreams of the past, remember what you were dreaming as a child. 2010 is the energy of the number 3 or the year of creation and completion. With this year, things you desired in the last 13 years will be release through completion in some form, meaning either we do it and get done with it or we simply decide not to do it and let it go for good. 2010 is also the Chinese year of the Metal Tiger. Tiger is a three animal in the Chinese Astrology as well. With the Metal Tiger energies, we will set our sights on our desires and will have the determination and drive to complete it. So again…this is a year of completion and creativity. For me, this is a great year… numerology wise I am a 3 and I am a Water Tiger. I am so looking forward to this year. ~What the questions for you to be pondering are: ~What do I truly wish to create in this year? ~What have I started and need to finish, being project, relationship, career or any aspect of you? ~What aspect of self need to be nurtured in this next year? ~What dreams or desires need more attention to complete?

You are on the move and willing to learn.

You are on the move and willing to learn.

In the last few weeks the shifting tides have come and taking me to a different place of realizing the world I have created for myself in all areas of my life. The simple truth of who I am being vs. the person I truly am mixed and dances in front of me… like a movie that I can rewrite the script due to the simple fact that I am co-creating this adventure as each moment begins.

I have revisited past relationships to clear the issues in them by speaking my mind. Did this change anything within this issue? Yea, it really did let me know the strength of my love for this man and how little he really cared for me. I was a convenience. Ouch. Not really that hurtful. I am a giver. Now I am seeing how much I am really giving away and how much I am letting others control my actions out of what? Wanting to be loved? I love myself. I appreciate the little things I do to have a good fun-filled life. Do I do all I really want to do? Nope. What do I say this? I am a bit of a procrastinator. Waiting for that magic inspiration. It does happen though it has been fleeting. I ask Spirit for more and longer duration. In time… ha ha. I am tired. I find myself tired of this lifetime. I look at all that I am doing and feel let down by the outcome. I am looking for the balance for me and the energy power I possess. I am a powerful being of Light. I am here to help others get through the day…making those magic inspiration moments happen for them. Yea…I wonder “when is it my turn?” Funny thing is I met a man… my perfect mirror…recently. What a joy and pain in the butt. There are moments that are so sweet with him. Pure heaven on earth…then reality comes back. These special moments are what keep me in touch with him, knowing that the pains are the growing gestures we are sharing. Unconditional love…pure and simple. We are present for each other with an unspoken words of powerful magic… love, faith and trust. A deep friendship of many lifetimes. Faith in humanity is what he is providing me. Of course, he is Aquarian.

Whereas I recently had a friendship ended out of lack of integrity. I gave the situation to Spirit to tend to… I don’t need the stress or her fear. I wish her well with the karma she has created. I released her…

Next of the shifting changes is the Universe doing it again to me. Tell me…stop talking and go, do it. We are taking the distraction away from you so you have to. Ha. Overall, I know the blessings in all of this. A moment panic was all I had. I understand the beauty of the technique of the Universe. They give me what I ask for…not always the best way for me…yet I know it is a good kick in the ass that is well deserved and getting me moving in a better direction for my whole true self.

So I am meditating more to see what the Universe tells me the direction to go. I am getting some ideas and this is why this blog today. Halloween. Hallow eve. Day of the Dead. Letting go of the dead stuff that doesn’t work well. Focus on what does. Focus on your strengths. Speaking My Truth is one of mine in my view. So writing this blog today is doing that. Showing the gratitude and appreciation for the lessons happening now and the space it is pushing me out of… I understand the implication of these lessons. Duh…how can I not?

So with November beginning and the energies of Scorpio upon us…Death and Rebirth. Timing is perfect of this new beginning of getting on the track I am meant to be on. I am being more careful on my wording these days now. So how are you doing these days? It has been far too long a delay in conversation, hasn’t it? Ha. Peace~ Jen